It’s Not Easy Being a Girl…Sometimes

it’s not easy being a girl/sometimes     by AvrgBlkGrl

[I absolutely worship Ntozake Shange (En-too-Za-kee SHAHNG-gay). I’ve never considered myself a feminist (don’t get me started) nor am I any type of activist, but I am a mighty outspoken black womanist and I sincerely believe in that. My thoughts and research on womanist theory in ethnic literature has been published in some really impressive academic journals. (Pats self on the back and moves the hell on.) So, I’m pretty loud about it. Ms. Shange’s words led me to that place of inner and outer recognition. I praise her every time I get a chance. I do a pretty good performance piece from for colored girls who have considered suicide too. I should have my own Tony Award for it. Oh, well. This is my tribute to her and a poem she has by a similar name. You know that I had to put my erotic, little slant to it. (You know you are not shocked!) I published it in this format and it made eyes roll on my favorite site. Seriously, I didn’t make up that format y’all. Uhm…she did. Enjoy and tell me what you think or what it makes you think of.]

it’s not easy being a girl/sometimes/cause you were born in a world that thinks you are second/when you can hear your own heart beat/when you have danced in the womb/when you have your own rhythm/you cry out at birth/your lungs fill with your own power/they say hush but they cannot quiet the beginning of a storm/you are the whirl wind they desire to control/they won’t let you call yourself by your own spirit’s name/they don’t realize that you are the lightning before the sound/when no one understands that you need to be first

sometimes/it’s not easy being a girl that grows into a woman/but still has a girl inside of her/there are things you keep to yourself/because sometimes it rains on the inside/you are taught too soon to be quiet/you cannot hear your own scream/you grow/obvious to the vain eye/these things cannot be helped/you have curves here and some more there/they entice unwanted eyes/they can’t seem to catch the wanted eye of those you crave/ones you want in the middle of the night/then there is a man with a boy still inside of him/you watch his lips as they move/you feel your own smile but you treasure his/you open your legs for air/your body needs to breathe/your body just needs/when you learn to bend your finger/the power that it gives/so grows nature

it’s not easy being a girl/sometimes tongues wag and accusations fly/when they say you are too fast/too loose/call you bitch to your face/warn you about stomachs that stick out as if you didn’t know/and these are your sisters that make you cry before a man ever touches your damp skin/before a man ever walks away from an open wound/before a man says he does not want you/these are the things that make you close your thighs and sit up straight in that chair/all you want is to lay in the coolness of the grass/feel the dew/understand your own nature/taste your own wetness/all you want is to be loved/sometimes/so you close your windows/so you pull the blinds/you lock your doors/you hide in your own house/you are ashamed of your own body/you fear what it can do/but you touch yourself/you wait/you dream/sometimes dreams come true

sometimes/its not easy being a girl/because you are deaf to rumors/you are deaf to outcries/you are deaf to warnings/you are need/hot and dripping with your own lust/you never forgot your own dance/you claim those curves/you grab your own breasts/you drop low/you move slow/you are the wind and you whip around corners/you cause things to bow /you blow/you lick your own lips with your own appetites/men hunger for you and women keep their mouths shut/sisters recognize sisters/when you bend your finger what you want draws close/when you are the feast and this is your table/you sit at its head/you decide when it is time to eat/a lover is blessed to touch the tips of your fingers/suck on your sweetest parts/drink from your glass/fill himself with nothing but you/you let him know you need no thing and this is a want/he hears it in the way you say his name/he loves you for it/he worships you from the inside/he revels in his own weaknesses because nothing has ever felt so good/you move and move and move/he must rise up to catch you/when you come you cry out/there is no fear of your own sounds/when you close your eyes it is just to sleep/you lay beside a man that is a man/sometimes beside a woman/you decide how you will start the day/you are nature/this is natural

it’s not easy being a girl…sometimes/there are choices you must make alone/there is the woman you must become/there is the life you must live/there is a girl you must kiss goodbye

Copyright © ©AvrgBlkGrl, ©Regina Moore. 2008 to 2016. No part of this material may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, mechanical, electronic, or used in any other fashion without the expressed prior written permission of the owner.